32 Something about me (2)

A seed of desire sprouted quietly. I studied for the purpose of studying. I checked the English definition’s after class, and I started to look forward to the global stage. I studied and endured, studied and endured, and finally, I saw hope. My mom got another chance to come here, and I was extremely satisfied. I gave up my future in China and made an effort to be here. Half of the year before the Enter High School Exam, which I study for 4 years, I jumped into an organization for studying abroad. It was cruel and heartless to say goodbye to my dear classmates and teacher and begin a new one. It was hard not to follow the school and work on your own. And it was so tired that I spent all the energy and effort on dealing with the TOEFL, math competitions, skiing club, final exams, and all of the demands in that organization. During this dark and cold time, I asked myself more than once, “Why would I do this? Why did I choose this bumpy way? Why didn’t I go in the usual way, just like others? How could I make life so difficult for myself ?” I have been lost, perplexed, scared, and negative. I have been weighed down with the burdens of life. Maybe it’s time to let it go. Maybe it’s time to wake up. Maybe I should give up all these which gives my family haze, and maybe all those nice memories is just in my imagination. But at last, I stop thinking because I know it’s useless. Maybe there will change for a little bit, but I haven’t seen it yet. I haven’t taken the first step and haven’t purchased my dream. I want to have a try and a brighter look in order to fight for my future.

I knew I was right. I thanked my mom who brought me here twice and gave me a chance. I am here now, my childhood heaven. I think I am so happy now every day that I nearly forgot I’mhappy. Here is what I like: the peace of nature, the purity in people’s eyes, the enthusiasm for studying atCornell, and the feeling that I am alive. I don’t know whether I can enter Cornell or whether I will be successful or wealthy, but at least, I am one step closer. I insist on my beginner’s mind and work for a better day. I have no regrets about the dark and cold time. As they say, “No pain, no gain”. I don’t mean that my life is done and I will be having fun all year, but I am grateful for my experience of facing challenges. Now, I will work harder to be successful in the next chapter of my life.

Don’t forget the beginner’s mind, and you will reach a brighter end. Only when we adhere to our hearts, chasing our dreams with firm faith, can reach the other shore. People tend to start this with meditation. Calm down, look at its organ nature, examine the desires of the heart, and complete the plan. In this long term plan, people will often be oppressed by life and become very aggrieved, sad, and depressed. They will no longer strive to move forward and finally stop in confusion. Living without distraction means the original mental process and the mood will not be remembered. We will usually misunderstand our actions. As long as we remember what the final goal is, we don’t need to care about anything else and we can go straight ahead to achieve our purpose.